Some sabbath thoughts

As I sat through church this morning, it got me thinking about my recent thoughts in regards to my sabbath rest. I was debating on sharing this but I guess it's appropriate.

I've been in the police academy for the last 4 weeks so I didn't really know what to expect out of my sabbath. Definately not rest. I know the Lord had spoken a healing in me over issues in my life but I didn't exactly know what to expect or how to walk in them. So, I just kinda did what I always do and live the way I always do.

For the first few weeks, I hadn't noticed any change or anything for that matter. I actually thought that I may be falling back into some of my old ways or not progressing. It was in the back of my mind but it wasn't something I was stressing over. I feel that I know who I am now and I don't need to stress over that crap. Anyway, about two weeks ago, I was with some of the dudes from the academy and we went to dinner, Borders or something. I mentioned to them that I was coming to church this week and one of the guys says to me, "you go to church? I never would have thought that." My immediate thought was, OUCH! I suck.

My thoughts began to run. Am I doing something wrong? Am I not representing Christ? What are my actions like? My words? Am I drinking too much, what? I couldn't really place a finger on it. I like to go have a beer. I do. Is that wrong?, I thought.

I don't know what it was, but a sense of peace ran through me. Don't worry about this. I wasn't doing anything wrong. Not only that, but why should I worry if I wasn't doing something wrong? I wasn't. I know when I've done something wrong. Now don't get me wrong, I'm no Mother Teresa. I have my struggles but I know when I'm not living how I'm called to.

So I haven't really figured out what this sabbath has done in me. Maybe taken me into a new realm of personalities who don't know Jesus and just let me do my thing. I don't know.

I do know that these are good people who are going into a rough job. Actually, police officers have the highest suicide rate of any job in the U.S. Maybe I'm just supposed to be buddies with these guys. Show them that normal guys that love Jesus do normal things like everyone else. I don't know. I could be anything. But I do know that I am not going to let it take over my thoughts when I'm living my everyday life the best I can.

I did go into the sabbath break with the mentality that something divine or magnificent was going to change or occur in me but it's alright if it hasn't. Listening to the talk today at church when Louie mentioned the vine needing to be bent almost to the point of almost breaking to produce a better vine really encouraged me. I feel like I am at the point of breaking some days (this academy hasn't caused this, it's just life in general). But if it produces righteousness in me, then so be it.