My expression

One of the things I really struggle with is expressing myself when I talk and write. I know how I feel inside and what I'd like to say but it never comes out the way I want it to. The person I'm talking to always says what they think I'm saying back to me and that is the way I wish I had phrased it. It's like they can express how I feel better than I can and they are not even the ones feeling what I'm feeling. It's very frustrating.

Not only that, but I dont' really like to express myself to others because inside I feel as though I'm speaking behind someone's back. That's never my intention but it's how I feel. Then after, I feel terrible and feel unable to talk to anyone because I don't like how it makes me feel. Then, I'm even more frustrated. It's like a vicious cycle. There's no freedom in any of it.

But tonight I kind of broke free and was able to talk to a buddy. I felt a little nervous to go there but I just wanted to express my thoughts. Yes, I did feel as though I was talking behind someones back but I was just stating how I felt and I feel that those thoughts are valid because they are my thoughts. The cool thing is, my buddy confirmed to me that my thoughts are valid and need to be spoken about because that is how I feel.

I don't know, but to me, talking is just hard at times. I don't know what is normal and valid and I question if what I have to say needs or wants to be heard. But tonight was great because I got to speak with someone that I trust and just be heard. It was freeing to be able to talk. I don't do that much. But when I do, it's just because it's much needed.

Thanks Ben.