Thoughts in the PM

I'm starting to wonder why it is that when I'm down about something, it always seems to make the other frustrations even greater. The little things start to come out as well. I had a good day today but was down about something all day. I didn't really let it affect me but stuff was rolling through my brain. I noticed that the little things started bothering me as well.

Why is it when your mood is not excited about things or driven on positive things, other things seem to bother you? I wasn't having a bad day. I was just thinking about things. I had concerns. As matter of fact, I wasn't even bothered, I was just thinking on something. My mind was occupied.

It's weird how the enemy can gain any sort of foothold on your life and try to mess up your day. What's even worse is when I don't recognize it and allow it to happen.

I'm currently reading a book called "Through Painted Deserts" by Don Miller. He's the author of "Blue Like Jazz." It's fairly interesting. But he made a statement that goes like this..."It occurs to me, as it sometimes does, that this day is over and will never be lived again, that we are only the sum of days, and when those are spent, we will not come back to this place, to this time, to these people and these colors, and I wonder whether to be sad about this or to be happy, to trust that these hours are meant for some kind of enjoyment, as a kind of blessing." I've spent the last couple of days asking God to show me how to live for these days that He has given me. To take in all that I can in the time that is offered to me. There is no time better than the time that He has given me today and I need to live for those moments.

I've never really been one that agreed with the line from "Dead Poets Society", Carpe Diem, live for the moment, but as I read that statement above and thought about it, I guess it has true meaning when you relate to your time and life that God has granted to you. Do what you can with the time that is given to you. In that moment, because you'll never get it back.

I talk to this guy, and he tells me that I need to start living and enjoying the "here and now" and quit fearing the past and the future. To quit dwelling on that and making it my focus. He has a point and so does this Miller guy. I'll never get this time back, these colors, or this freedom. Live it up. Enjoy!

But to me there is a sense of fear in it all. The unknown is adventureous and exciting but very scary to me. I can't determine the outcome of it all and that is dangerous to me. The "what if's" really disturb my spirit. I pray that my life isn't lived in fear and I pursue what God has called me to. But in all honesty, I'm timid and also extremely excited of what each and every day will bring my way. I guess as long as I don't live in that timidity, the excitement of a new day will take me to new heights in my relationship with my God.